I wish I could teleport
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
