i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He passed out mid-signature
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
