we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
