i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
