They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
