What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
