So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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