the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
