does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
