Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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