I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
