a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
