I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
