You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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