I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
