Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My ass is underappreciated
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
