I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
