my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
