That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
