You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
