I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
