Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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