can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
