We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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