Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
