I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
