i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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