she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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