haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
