My girlfriend figured out who you are.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
