Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
