I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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