There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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