They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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