I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
