i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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