God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
