Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Green mimosas i think yes
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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