I only kidnapped one of them. chill
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Randomize
