I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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