What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
