If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
