I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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