I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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