mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
