why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
