Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
