just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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