try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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