I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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