Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
