He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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