so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
